Do you ever have trouble making conversation with others even though you consider yourself to be a very intelligent person? If so, this may puzzle you. You may wonder why you are so poor at making conversation with others, even though you are very smart, and you know a lot of interesting things.
The truth is that social skills and intelligence don’t necessarily go together.
Why is it that some very smart people can be so socially inept or socially awkward?
So I’ve put together this short list of ways your intelligence makes you FAIL in social situations… and what to do about it. Here are some of the reasons why very intelligent, very creative people often have difficulty in making small talk conversation successfully.
They Seek Information Instead of Developing Skills
Through practice. Doing something over and over again is what allows you to develop a skill. Sure, there’s some basic training you NEED to go through, but to go from being bad to good in a skill… you’ll have to put in the time and effort. Yet there’s a lot of socially inept people who don’t treat social skills in this way. Instead they look for the one last magic piece of information that will solve all their problems.
And you don’t get them by THINKING about them, you get them by GETTING them. This means you’ll learn more by in 2 hours of actually getting out of the house and talking to people than you will in 20 hours of “education”.
They Think Too Much
It’s because being social and contributing to a conversation is not a problem to be solved by thinking. It’s more about an energetic and spontaneous expression of how you’re feeling.
You should rely more on speaking from your GUT feeling and instinct instead of trying to carefully plan and think through everything you say.
If you can’t think of what to say, you probably go on thinking and thinking and thinking. Taxing your brain to come up with some good and interesting conversation topic to talk about.
Never realizing that THINKING TOO MUCH is the main reason you have a problem speaking up more to begin with!
They Psych Themselves Out
Your mind is designed to remember the past or simulate the future to help you survive in life. Smart people take this future simulating and risk avoiding nature of the brain way too far sometimes. How? By coming up with all of the reasons why everything will not work when it comes to social situations.
For example, maybe you want to ask a girl out on a date. But then your mind imagines and you create an awkward silence and then you say “Hi.” And you imagine her saying “No,” and then her telling everyone else in the world about what a loser and a creep you are… and then you have to see her every day still and try to avoid feeling super awkward. And finally, you don’t ask her out.
Are you getting the picture here?
Imagining the worst that can happen causes you to not even try. You probably avoid a lot of parties, conversations and social situations for fear of the worst happening… all thanks to your smart mind which has made you see all the “risks.”
Usually, failure is not as big a deal as your mind makes it out to be. You ask a girl out, she says no… and life goes on. You feel bad about it for a few days, and within 2 weeks you no longer really remember it much. And beyond that…
The little failures are necessary to improve your skills. Failing in one conversation is not nearly as bad as the consequences of avoiding taking risks in general.
They Can’t Deal with Fear and Other Emotions
An intelligent person’s strength is often their logic, which means their weakness is emotions.
When it comes to dealing with emotions… a lot of smart people become totally uncomfortable. Maybe they start to run away from the emotions… especially fear. Fear of being rejected, fear of opening up and connecting with others, and so on.
They may be perfectionists. These people may have very high expectations of themselves about everything they do. When they think they have failed at anything, they judge themselves very harshly.
If they think they are failing at small talk, they just get even more nervous and tongue tied.
Their harsh self-judgment makes them so anxious that they cannot relax and simply enjoy being with other people.
They may be very serious people and believe that they should only spend their time thinking about serious matters and talking about serious matters.
They may believe that talking about unimportant things is a waste of time. This makes them get bored very quickly with small talk that doesn’t seem to lead anywhere.
In some cases, people who are smarter than average actually feel superior to others and believe they should not waste their time with average people having average conversations.
Anyone can learn to handle and even MASTER their emotions (even fear), if they just take the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.
If this is you, then do yourself a favor please… take the time. Take the effort. What matters is you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.
Based on the materials from The Minds Journal