Anger Fuelled Confession's
It's been a few weeks since Jake and I admitted our true feelings to one another. Thinking of
that night still gives me butterflies. The more time I spend with Jake, the deeper I fall in love with him. Our relationship is stronger than ever now that I've come to the terms that he may not be perfect but he's perfect for me.
The hype over our new unexpected relationship is beginning to die down in college. The envious stares are becoming less frequent and the loud obnoxious conversations are now hushed whispers.
Ivory is practically a best friend to me and has
joined mine and Trish's little friendship circle.
Everything is going pretty damn great.
I'm at the local food supermarket, pushing the trolley whilst Ivory browsed the shelves. I glance down at my watch, noticing we've been frozen in place for the past ten minutes, in the junk food aisle.
"Delicious," Ivory grins, her eyes lighting up. She lunges for a bag of Toffee popcorn and drops it into the shopping cart. I glance down at it and grimace at the contents of our trolley. It's practically full of sugar and processed crap.
"Ivory, shouldn't we cut back a little on our sugar intake?" I groan, nudging the trolley into her back gently. She gasps over dramatically and turns around, her hand on her heart.
"No! I love sugar, ok?" she huffs, causing me to roll my eyes at her drama queen attitude.
"Okay," I shrug, grabbing a box of golden balls off the shelves which are practically full of sugar. I know I'm a hypocrite but when it comes to Golden Balls, I don't care.
"Ooh, you just reminded me! We need milk." Ivory said, walking down the aisle. She stops before turning around —
"I'll be five minutes Em."
I nod at her, pushing the cart into the next aisle which thank god, is fruit and vegetables.
I grabbed some bananas, oranges and apples throwing them into the cart, grateful for fresh, colourful foods.
I whipped my head round and came face to face with Mum. She was carrying a basket and her dark hair was pulled away from her face into a tightly swept back ponytail. She had dark circles underneath her eyes and her eyes were flat, emotionless.
"Mum." I said bluntly, taking a small step back.
It was so weird to see her after all this time.
"You look good," she smiled tightly at me and I scoffed –
"Only because I haven't been beaten recently." I spat back, my anger still fresh towards her.
I rolled my eyes and walked away from her, wanting to get as far away as I could. The pain was still raw and I don't think I'll ever overcome it. She stood back and allowed me to be beaten for years by someone who was practically a stranger. Mum held out her hand and took hold of my arm, stopping me in my tracks.
"Emily, wait! Please." she pleaded. The anger in me died down a little at her desperate tone and I turned towards her, avoiding eye contact.
I wasn't ready for that just yet.
"Come home." she said quietly, murmuring her words. Am I hearing this right?
"Ever since you introduced that monster into my life, he has beaten me black and blue! He's nothing but a violent, cowardly man. You're my mum, you're supposed to take care of me!"
What the hell?
"We think it's best that you go back to live with your mother. You're not eighteen yet and we don't think this is the best environment for a young teenager" the police woman announced, glancing between me and Jake.
I stared at her dumbfounded, my mouth hung open unattractively.
Jake was the first one to break the silence.
"Like hell she is!" he growled, standing up off his chair quickly, causing it to tumble onto the floor. I blinked a few times, unable to believe her words. This can't be happening.
I sat there silent, my body frozen, listening to the police woman and Jake argue for a while. I couldn't make out any of the words and before I knew it, I had stood up and ran upstairs, my feet pounding against the carpet.
I could vaguely hear my name being shouted from downstairs but I didn't care. I kept running towards the only door that was open. I slammed the door behind me, locking it in the process. My brain was hazy and my breathing was irregular.
"What the hell are you doing in my room?"
I turned in panic, finding myself stood in front of Tobias. He was shirtless and wearing jogging bottoms, lying flat on his bed. The TV was quietly playing in the background and I took a few deep breaths, averting my gaze from Tobias' body.
"Please don't tell them I'm here" I finally pleaded, meeting Tobias' eyes.
He raised his brow but nodded, knowing I was in no fit state to explain things to him. I thanked him gratefully and slid to the floor, putting my hands over my head. It felt like a hand was strangling my throat and I knew it was the beginnings of a panic attack.
I sucked in a breath, desperately trying to calm down.
This is a nightmare. It has to be a nightmare.
"This can't be happening" I whispered, feeling the salty tears invade my mouth.
"Emily?" Tobias asked. He walked towards me and bent down in front of me, concerned.
He placed a hand on my knee and my head shot up, eyes wide with fear. I looked up to find his eyebrows creased together with confusion, his normal annoyed expression completely disappearing.
"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, his eyes searching mine. I shut my own tightly at his question and replayed the last half an hour in my head.
The police were due to make another visit to me to let me know what the next stage was, I had never expected them to say I would have to go back to living with my mother. The news hadn't sunken in yet and my head throbbed painfully, shooting daggers to my temples.
"This can't be happening" I gasped, repeating myself. I had felt nauseous and dizzy all day, worried sick about the meeting with the police.
"Why does everything keep going wrong!?" I yelled in frustration, tears streaming down my face.
My chest began to feel tight as if someone had a grip of my throat, squeezing tightly, sucking all the breath out of me. I inhaled deeply, the fear inside me escalating. I breathed deeply as my lungs craved more oxygen.
I knew I had failed miserably as my throat began to feel tighter, the breath inside me coming to an end. Tobias' face was now a blur, his voice a distant sound to my pounding ears. My nails dug deeply into my palm inflicting pain, I wanted so badly for it to stop, for my breathing to steady and become normal again.
"Emily!" Tobias shouted, shaking me a little. I looked up at his face, his features blurred due to my tears. His eyes were wide with panic and he tugged on his hair, pulling it in every direction, unsure what to do with me.
Why couldn't I tell him I was having a panic attack?
The words were stuck in my throat. I sucked in deeply and repeated the same action, willing my breathing to shallow out. I whimpered at my lack of control but no sound came out, it felt like my lungs and throat had gone on strike.
The door burst open, smacking loudly against the wall causing Tobias to shoot up from the floor in front of me. He stumbled a little before standing on his feet. I vaguely heard Jake's worried shouts but I was too frightened from my lack of oxygen to find out where it was coming from. The entire room span in circles and I groaned, feeling my eyes roll to the back of my head.
I slumped against the wall, my body becoming limp as my world completely blacked out.
I groaned, shielding my eyes from the sun that was streaming through the window beside me. The light bounced off the wall and seemed to be directed straight at me.
Why must you be so bright, Mother Nature?
My head was throbbing painfully and I tried lifting it, groaning louder from the sudden pain it was causing me.
"Crap" I croaked out but immediately regretted it, feeling the sharp sting hit my throat. I felt like I had been hit by a car.
Actually, a truck, a massive, big ass truck.
I inhaled deeply, the memories of my panic attack coming back to me. It felt so damn good to be able to breath again.
Screw you, panic attack's.
I reached over Jake's bedside table, glad to stretch my arm and lifted the glass of water that was left there. The liquid felt amazing and I gulped it down, my body craving the hydration. I set the glass back down and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand before pulling the cover's away from my body. Bright pink unicorn covered pyjama's stared back at me and I frowned further.
Who changed my clothes?
I climbed out of bed, stretching my legs as I did so. Jake's room was clean beside from the unmade bed I was lying in. His weights neatly stacked in the corner of the room beside his punching bag. I took a few steps away from the bed and stumbled a little, feeling foreign on my feet.
How long was I out for?
I ran a hand through my hair and grimaced at the feel of it, it felt weighed down and in desperate need of a wash.
I walked to the edge of the window and glanced outside, it looked early morning, maybe 3 or 4am. Small particles of frost clung to the bare tree's signalling winter was arriving, quickly.
I had almost been asleep for 20 hours. Crazy.
If I slept in Jake's bed, where did Jake sleep?
I didn't remember him getting into bed with me, the way my body reacted when he was around, my hormones would be screaming if he'd gotten within a few feet of me.
I shuddered a little feeling the cold air cause goosebumps to erupt down my bare arms. I walked over to Jake's door and grabbed one of his hoody's, pulling it over my head. The material was soft and warm, full of his scent. My body visibly relaxed and heated up slightly, glad for the warmth. I definitely had a thing for wearing Jake's clothes.
I turned the door handle slowly careful not to make any noise, it seemed way too early to wake anyone up. The corridor outside of Jake's bedroom door was dark, only a little sunlight streaming in through the small window at the end. I shut the door behind me and stepped onto the soft carpet, my feet sinking into it. Everything was quiet and the house felt more colder than usual. I began to make my way downstairs making sure to walk lightly so I didn't cause the floors to creak. I had became an expert at acting invisible living with Trevor and Mum for so many years.
I tiptoed down the stairs, past a snoring dog and opened the living room door causing it to creak slowly. It was dark inside, the curtains drawn to block out the outside world. The shadows of the furniture clung to the floors and walls giving the room a slight eerie feel. I stepped inside an shut the door behind me. There was a shadowy figure on the far couch dressed in dark clothes. I stood closer, holding my breath careful not to wake him.
Was it Jake or Tobias?
He stirred in his sleep and turned over, opening one eye slowly. I stood back feeling out of place now knowing it was Tobias. His face looked sleepy and he had a fresh cut next to the side of his eye.
"You're awake" he muttered, his voice laced with sleep.
I nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat.
"Your eye, what happened?" I asked, pointed at his face before letting my arm drop back down to my side. He sat up straight and groaned before touching the cut with his right hand. The cut was covered with a line of dark blood that had dried up, staining his skin.
He chuckled quietly, noticing me staring before speaking again –
"Your boyfriend is making it a habit to hit me in the face… It doesn't phase me though, cuts and bruises are how I pull all the girls" he replied bitterly, making a joke from the situation.
He grabbed a pillow from the couch chucking it behind his head before laying down onto it. As he did so, his shirt rode up, revealing his toned muscular stomach. I averting my gaze and looked at his face instead –
"Jake hit you, why?" I asked confused. I waited for Tobias to elaborate, shuffling awkwardly in front of him. He raised his eyebrow at my actions and sighed heavily, causing a few strands of his hair to blow backwards.
"You can sit down Emily, I don't bite."
I swallowed again and nodded realising how much of an idiot I must have looked stood in front of him, shuffling awkwardly. I took a seat in the big armchair opposite him immediately relaxing back onto the soft cushions.
"He thought I had done something to you" Tobias finally said and I snapped my head towards him, creasing my eyebrows in confusion.
"Like what?" I frowned instantly.
Tobias sighed again, seeming annoyed at having to explain himself further.
"You were having a panic attack and Jake came in, to save the day as usual" he said bitterly –
"He saw you on the floor, blacked out and thought I had done something to you. Before I know it, he throws a fist to the side of my face" he added, grinding his teeth together. His jaw was clenched tightly and I saw the anger flash through his eyes even though the room was still dim.
"I was trying to help you" he said, his voice rising slightly. I sighed heavily, knowing Tobias was right.
How could Jake hit him without knowing the facts?
I had passed out from my panic attack, not because Tobias hurt me.
"Tobias, I'm sorry. I'll explain what happened when I see him."
I was angry at Jake for hitting Tobias, I knew Tobias could be difficult but Jake never should have jumped to conclusions without knowing the truth first.
"Don't apologise for him. Beside, I can handle myself."
I sighed, feeling like I had to make things right with Tobias. I stood up and walked over to the door before pulling it open and making my way to the kitchen. I grabbed everything I needed before making my way back to the living room, shutting the door behind me. Tobias was still laid in the same position, his hands now behind his neck causing his shirt to ride further up. I walked towards him and placed everything down onto the table next to him.
"Budge up" I mumbled, looking down at him. He raised his eyebrow at my words but silently nodded, shifting into a sitting position. I knew me and Tobias had never really seen eye to eye but he had tried to help me yesterday and I knew he had a caring side to him just like Ivory had said. He now needed help and I wanted to repay the favour, make things right between us so it wasn't always awkward.
I sat down next to him not missing how his bare arm was nestled against my leg. He also noticed it as he looked down at our skin touching. I cleared my throat before reaching over for the warm cloth. I dipped it into the little cup of water and squeezed out the remaining liquid, staying silent as I did so.
The only sound was Tobias' breathing next to me. I reached towards his eye and started wiping away the blood carefully making sure I didn't make eye contact with him. Something about that didn't feel right. The blood came off easily thank goodness and the cut didn't look so bad anymore.
"It's not that bad" I said quietly breaking the silence between us. Tobias stayed quiet, not moving a muscle.
"Told you I'm tough, I'm built like bricks" he replied eventually. His voice was quiet and hoarse. I smiled a little at his words, knowing he wanted to keep his pride intact.
"There, you're all done" I smiled down at him before turning and placing the cloth back onto the table. I stood up but before I could, Tobias placed his hand on my thigh and my eyes snapped to it immediately. I silently looked back at Tobias and noticed his eyes had lightened considerably.
"Thanks Em" he whispered quietly before moving his hand. I nodded silently, noticing how my skin didn't tingle or my breathing didn't get caught the same way it did when Jake touched me. I cleared my throat and stood up, taking the things with me. In a strange way, things between me and Tobias felt patched up, just like I'd done with his cut.
Tobias and I sat together silently for a few hours, binge watching a series on Netflix about a murder house. Occasionally one of us would make a slight comment when things got a little gruesome or exciting. There was a bowl of popcorn nestled between us on the couch and the sun was now streaming in through the curtains.
It was early hours of the morning and the birds were beginning to sing their song to mark the start of the day. I yawned and stretched my arms over my head, shifting a little to get more comfortable.
"How are you still tired? I've never met someone who can sleep for so long," Tobias said amused, his gaze never leaving the TV screen. Someone had just been stabbed with a broken glass and blood was flying everywhere. Clearly Tobias was enjoying this part too much to look away.
"I haven't slept well for years, living with someone like Trevor can do that to you so I'm making the most of it whilst I can." I half joked.
Tobias grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl and turned towards me, his eyes filled with sadness. I immediately regretted bringing Trevor up, I didn't need people's sympathy.
"I acted like an arsehole to you at first Emily. I know things haven't been good between me and Jake but that doesn't mean I should take it out on you, I'm sorry." he said sincerely, his words quiet.
I almost choked on my piece of popcorn and turned towards Tobias, shocked at his apology.
"Who are you and what have you done with the real Tobias?" I gasped, causing Tobias to grin and flick a piece of popcorn piece over my way. I chuckled, catching the popcorn before popping it into my mouth.
I accepted his apology and realised I could still be civil with him, maybe even, friends?
Who knows, it might rub off on the two cousins and get them to sort their differences with one another.
"What happened between you and Jake? He never told me." I asked, eager to know what had caused them to dislike each other so much. Tobias sighed deeply, his face turning serious. His eyes held guilt in them and he turned towards me sheepishly –
"I did something unforgivable, I betrayed him and took something from him that he cared deeply about. Me and him were so close before it happened and I ruined it," he said sadly, turning back towards the TV.
I waited for him to elaborate but he never did so I took that as my cue to drop the subject. It wasn't my business to do so and I didn't want to appear pushy.
The door of the living room opened slowly and Jakes head popped round. His eyes looked sleepy and his hair was sticking up in different directions. He wore black jogging bottoms that hung loosely on his hips. His white shirt clung to his arms showing off his strength and I couldn't help myself from gawking.
Even in the morning, this boy managed to look good.
"Morning," I smiled at him, patting the seat next to me. He gave me a small smile in response, warily glancing between me and Tobias. Jealousy flashed through his eyes and I frowned —
"What's going on here?" He asked, his voice low and husky from sleep.
"Im watching a movie with Tobias…" I replied, confused as to what he was implying. I sighed and pushed myself off the sofa, grabbing the bowl of popcorn with me as I did so.
"Tobias was keeping me company, I woke up a few hours ago," I said, walking towards the door. I brushed past Jake and headed for the kitchen.
"Why didn't you wake me?" Jake replied, trailing after me. He pulled back one of the dining chairs and sat himself down. I placed the bowl of popcorn onto the side and turned to face him.
"You weren't there when I woke up," I replied. Jake ran a hand over his face, his eyes not quite meeting mine as he replied.
"I thought I'd take the spare room. I knew it was going to be a restless night and I didn't want to wake you."
I nodded slowly, knowing me and Jake have lots to talk about. The police visit, DC Jones and the incident with Tobias. I sighed and took a seat next to Jake. Then I said the words every couple dread in a relationship.
"We need to talk Jake."
After a lengthy talk with Jake, I sorted things between him and Tobias, for now. Jake had agreed not to act out without knowing the truth again. The boys still didn't see eye to eye however Jake promised me he would act civil towards Tobias.
I pull on my high waisted jeans along with a white off the shoulder top. Next, I decided to tackle my hair and instead of putting it up into a messy bun as I usually did, I let it flow down my shoulders. After applying a little makeup, I felt content with my appearance.
Lately all eyes had been on me and Jake's relationship at college and it made me feel uneasy due to the amount of attention I was attracting. I wasn't a girl who was comfortable having multiple sets of eyes trained on her, watching her every move. I usually hid in the shadows and kept myself private however the news of the good girl dating the bad boy was too much for people to simply ignore.
My phone beeped, letting me know I had received a text. I decided to ignore it and instead focused on lacing up my converse. I sighed as I saw the end of my laces had been chewed and glared at the small pup in the corner who was laid peacefully on my rug.
"You need to stay away from my shoes pup," I groaned, taking my converse off and instead reaching for my white vans. I slipped them on and grabbed my phone, book bag and keys before heading out the door.
Jake stood at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for me as he did every college morning. He was wearing a white shirt, dark blue jeans and vans. I laughed out loud, realising we were both matching.
A complete mistake but it was kind of cute.
I grinned at him and stood on my tiptoes, planting a soft kiss on his cheek.
"Ready to go?" I asked, my heart warming a little as he slid his arm around my waist, pulling me in closer.
"Ready when you are Muffin," he murmured in my ear, causing goosebumps to erupt over my bare skin. I bit the corner of my lip to stop the smile from spreading right across my face. The boy made me happy, really happy. He opened the front door and gestured for me to walk ahead of him.
"You're such a gentleman at heart," I said over my shoulder, grinning as I walked out. He smirked back at me in response, blue eyes shining —
"Tell anyone and I'll kill you."